Twice Spirited, Always Lost
by securinggrace
Summary: Chihiro's a young woman, finally out into the world on her own. And she could care less. Memories of her days in the Spirit World still haunt her and beckon her back. But when she arrives will she finally find peace? Or realize it was less than she expected?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

Eight…it had been eight long and especially uneventful years since Chihiro's last trip to the spirit world.

She was a young woman now. Not the scrawny, naïve, and frightened girl she had been back then. She had grown taller, curvier. Chihiro wore makeup and high heels, no longer hiding behind baggy t-shirts, shorts, and tennis shoes.

However, just because she was older didn't mean her life was anymore eventful than it had been before her adventures in the spirit world.

Moving to a new town and rescuing her parents from spending the rest of their lives as pigs had been the most rousing experience of her life. The rest of it had been filled with cold classrooms, obsessive-compulsive teachers, and mounds of homework.

The memories helped keep her sane throughout high school and college. If she had gotten through that, she could surely get through a two hour long class with well over two hours of homework waiting for her at the end of it.

Images constantly floated in the back of Chihiro's mind. They resurfaced when there was nothing left to think about. But they had begun showing themselves more frequently and more vividly than ever before. So vividly sometimes she felt as if only seconds had passed since she had left that dream for reality.

Chihiro realized just how much she had truly missed all those colorful characters.

Komaji, the boiler man, with his adorable yet sometimes stubborn sootsprites. Lin, the woman who had given her company and comfort. Granny, who had shared her wisdom and had taken her friend, the spirit No-Face, in when he had had no place to go. Chihiro even missed Yubaba, the witch who owned the bathhouse. The woman who had turned her parents into pigs. The woman who had attempted to imprison her forever. Chihiro missed them all, but most of all Chihiro missed Haku. Or Kohaku, if she was being technical. The young river spirit had stayed by her side through it all despite the rumors of him being cruel and conniving. Haku had been exceedingly kind. The relationship between them, if Chihiro dared say it, had been one of the closest of any she had, even her own parents.

It was easy to drift.

She would drift during important times and non-important times, alone or with people, at home and on the street. Chihiro would suddenly come to, not knowing how much time had passed and feeling embarrassed but feeling no regret over daydreaming.

Chihiro did worry though. The time she spent in her head was growing longer and longer. Before, she could recognize the familiar numbness, the darkening of the world around her and she could pull herself back. But now the blackouts came without any warning. Eventually her attention was drawn back to the present by a rough touch or the sound of someone's voice repeating her name over and over again, like a broken record player, "Chihiro…Chihiro…"

This time it was the traffic light switching from red to green out of the corner of her eye.

Legs moving of their own volition, Chihiro launched herself into the street even as her mind screamed for her to stay until it was safe again. The rev of the engines was loud in Chihiro's ears. With only seconds to spare Chihiro made it to her desired side of the street. She was breathing heavily and staring at the rush of vehicles in front of her. As she was attempting to catch her breath, a woman approached her, eyes wide as saucers.

The woman was short, back hunched as if she had suffered years of hard work. Her skin was thin and sagging. The little hair that was visible, as it was pulled back into a tight bun, was white with age. If Chihiro had merely passed the woman on the street she may have seemed a sweet, little old-lady, but the woman's steely eyes betrayed her true nature, and when she spoke her voice was harsh.

"Are you crazy?" Chihiro tried not to flinch away as the woman moved closer, expression incredulous. "You could have been hit and killed you know! Foolish girl, get your head out of the past and pay more attention." The woman scolded shaking her head in disapproval as she walked on, leaving Chihiro standing alone and extremely embarrassed. Sighing, she continued on her way, hoping that her cheeks weren't as red and warm as they felt.

|g|

Chihiro thankfully made it to campus and her class with no other mishaps.

She didn't, however, make it to her class on time.

The auditorim was silent save for the sound of steps on the hard marble floor as she made her way to her seat. Her seat that was high in the stands, away from the amused glances of her peers, but not away from the vicious glare of her professor which was burning into her forehead as she refused to look at the man. Soon enough the scratch of chalk on board filled the remaining silence and marked that class had resumed.

When she was sure it was safe, Chihiro leaned over to her best friend Runi and whispered, "Psst." No response came from the petite girl to her left. Runi's straight brown hair hung in her face, blocking Chihiro from her vision, though her small, straight nose peeked out from the smooth curtain.

Chihiro huffed and leaned a little closer, her "Psst" this time raised in volume. When still no response was garnered she flung herself towards Runi, her flailing hands interrupting the other's reading and a yet louder, more obnoxious "Psssssssst!" directed towards her ear.

Runi dropped her book in a rush, scrambling to pull her ear buds from her ears. The startled girl started to demand an explanation but quickly thought better of it. She instead craned her neck in a look around the classroom to make sure the thud of the book and their sudden movements hadn't attracted any unwanted attention. When Runi was sure there was none she turned back to Chihiro and hissed, "What's your problem?"

"I wouldn't have had a problem if you hadn't had both of your headphones in," Chihiro pointed out. "And in class no less!"

"NewS released their new single yesterday so I just downloaded it. Ah! It's so great! Massu's adorable like usual. You have to download it."

"What? Really? I didn't know it would come out so soon- That's not the point," Chihiro said, shaking her head.

"Okay then," Runi said as she settled herself on one elbow. "Spill it."

Chihiro was suddenly apprehensive, but she decided her best friend deserved to know. When she was finished explaining what had happened earlier on that morning, Runi's eyes were wide, mouth agape. She expected a firm talking to, but instead her shocked friend shot from her seat with an astonished, "You were what?"

The two girls realized their mistake much too late and soon the entire room had turned to stare at them. Runi slowly sank back down into her chair, cheeks fiery, and Chihiro attempted to make herself small and began writing nonsense in her notebook.

|g|

Walking out, their arms were heavy with extra work as punishment. The work was easy enough. With questions like, "What steps must be taken to start a river clean up," or "What is the average Ph level of a river." There were even questions about wildlife and weather cycles on top of the essay they had been assigned last week. Majoring in Environmental wasn't difficult; it was just that there was _so much work._

"By the time I'm finished, I don't think I'll have a hand anymore," Runi complained, sitting down heavily. The two had stopped at a nearby café for an after class snack.

It was a quaint shop, though it was popular and rather packed from opening until closing. The reason why wasn't hard to guess. The atmosphere was pleasant, warm and friendly, as were the employees on top of being attentive. There was no reason not to be. The elderly couple who owned the place paid well and kept easy hours. They were almost as sweet as the desserts and drinks they served, all of the owner's old family recipes.

A waiter quickly took their orders, leaving Chihiro to Runi's wrath. They sat in silence for a moment before Runi spoke quietly, and though her voice was low, Chihiro could still hear the protective anger concealed there.

"What were you thinking?" The words drifted out over their initial glasses of water. The answer was obvious, of course, that Chihiro hadn't been thinking. Not of what she should have been, at least. Runi would have suggested taking her to the hospital if she had said, _Hey! I secretly wish of staying at a bathhouse for spirits where I could get my name stolen and completely forget my past. But hey, it's more entertaining than living with normal human beings. Want to come with?_

No. Instead Chihiro just sighed and said, "I just didn't get a lot of sleep last night. I was already late and the light was about to change. I don't know. I just don't know."

"Well, you're lucky you didn't actually get hit. Don't be so rash next time! Punctuality isn't worth your life. I don't know what I would have done if I found out my best friend had to be scraped off of the road.

Chihiro merely mumbled in agreement as she spotted their waiter headed towards them, plate in each hand. A small plate, decorated with banana slices and swirls of whipped cream around a pumpkin cake was placed before her. The same was done for Runi. Chocolate cake covered instead with strawberries. Their conversation faded after that. At least until every last crumb of cake and smear of whipped cream had gone into their mouths and to their thighs.

Runi sat back, the clanking of silverware mixing with her satisfied sigh. "Explain to me why we don't do this more often?"

"Because we're broke college students and if we ate junk like that more we'd have to waddle to class."

"Point made. Though, maybe if I got a boyfriend to help work off those calories I could eat here every day."

Chihiro tsked and threw her napkin at the giggling girl across the table. Runi always spoke highly of a boyfriend to dote on and be doted upon by, but she had yet to find a man willing enough to be squeezed into couple clothes.

"What about you, Chihiro," She was asked, getting a thoughtful stare. Chihiro, with a boyfriend. She nearly snorted at the suggestion.

Aside from having a major to worry about, Chihiro just didn't have the desire to troll around for a decent guy. Every time she began flirting with some cute boy on the rare occasion she was able to go out, something just didn't click. He was always trying too hard, or had a nervous edge. And their hair or eye color was never right. Various shades of black and brown with the occasional bleached blonde. Dark eyes were a good thing, but what she encountered was always brown. Now, dark blue eyes with dark hair, that if the light caught it just right, also took on a blueish hue.

Chihiro shook her head. "I know you're itching to set me up so we can double date, or whatever, but I'm just not up for it. I've told you that already."

Runi pouted, but knew the argument was hopeless, as they had had it many times. So the two stood and made their way to the front of the shop to pay for their desserts. The sun was setting quickly, the lights of Tokyo taking over the sun's job as it left to rest until morning. Chihiro hadn't realized just how long they had been talking. The commute home wasn't particularly dangerous if one stuck to the main routes, and Chihiro's dorm wasn't far from where they had strayed, but a city was a city.

She walked with Runi until their paths parted, considering their dorms were on separate sides of the street, hers even a little farther down than Runi's. The two said their goodbyes, promising the same schedule tomorrow, before Runi turned into her complex and Chihiro headed for the nearest crosswalk.

It was the same crosswalk as that morning, Chihiro thought a bit grudgingly. There was no Runi to distract her from her own thoughts, but she was determined. She did anything possible to keep her train of thought in the present. She checked her phone on and off, even playing a game until the red hand on the sign turned to a briskly walking, little, green man.

With a small sigh of relief, Chihiro practically jogged with the crowd out and onto the street. She was rather proud of herself and had almost made it across until she saw something that stopped her dead in her tracks. The woman, the same elderly woman as that morning was staring at her from between the last of the bustling bodies. Chihiro was frozen. Then the woman raised one, withered hand, pointing, and Chihiro felt compelled to follow it.

What she was met with when her head was turned was the blinding flash of a headlight and an excruciating pain originating in her abdomen then spreading to the tips of her toes and the top of her head. The horrified screams of those around Chihiro barely made it to her ears, before any sounds were cut off and her vision grew blacker and she tumbled into nothing.

A/N: Okay, so that's the first chapter! This is my first fanfiction, so please don't hold me to too high of standards. For my first fic I decided to write about something I figured I knew well and a story of Chihiro having to find her way once again was born. So though this is my first I hope this brought you some amusement. And that you stay with me! I'm not sure how long this will be quite yet, or a schedule for updating, due to school and such, but I'm sure that will unfold with time. So for now, thank you so much for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Chihiro's eyes were open and searching before her mind fully came to consciousness. There was a terrifying moment where she considered herself blind. To her relief, her eyes soon began adjusting to the darkness and as the adrenaline faded she could feel cool stone beneath her. Stars twinkled in the night sky and the light sound of trickling water was near. Reaching out, Chihiro felt what she was laying on (steps apparently) and above her was a statue of some kind.

It took a minute or two, but Chihiro was able to struggle into a sitting position, whole body aching.

She hurt everywhere. Her legs and arms felt like they had been stretched, then twisted in every possible direction. Her back and neck weren't much better with a wicked case of whiplash. _This must be what a rope feels like during a game of Tug O' War, _Chihiro thought.

Still rubbing her neck, Chihiro looked back to see the outline of a frozen toad, water gently pouring from its mouth. Her eyes followed the stream down and out over an impossibly wide river. A tall building glowed there. Its twin reflected on the river's black surface, rippling every so often from the large ferry gliding towards her.

Chihiro knew this place. It was woven into her thoughts and pervaded her dreams.

The light from the train station became too much and she was blinded. She recognized the glare of the headlights rushing towards her without second thought. She also remembered the impact and no longer questioned why she felt so shitty.

Chihiro had been hit by a car, and now she was in the spirit world.

The trembles were immediate. Chihiro looked around and her surroundings didn't seem nearly as innocent as they had before. To her right, the toad's gently opened mouth became a twisted grin. The darkness was suffocating, but Chihiro ran into it anyway. Anywhere, but the bank where the ferry, carrying what most assumed were legends, would land and unload.

|g|

Her toes were parallel to the wood planks that stretched out over the crevice separating the bathhouse from the rest of the town. The looming structure matched the image provided by her memories almost to a tee. Maybe a little more weather worn, but there was no doubt it was the same bathhouse as all those years before. It seemed her feet had led her there subconsciously.

The lamps had already been lit and spirits of all kinds had begun filing over the bridge. Chihiro looked to the bathhouse's entrance where the greeters stood as usual, warm air and the scent of fresh water emanating from it. The longing was ripe as was the need to be somewhere familiar. Would she even be able to stay? She was a spirit, she guessed, and it was a bathhouse for the spirits, but she had no money. Either way she was sure Haku would be able to help her.

Haku.

Would he even be there? He had said he would be confronting Yubaba, getting his freedom after so long. And what of Yubaba? Was she still there as well, watching Chihiro's every move, waiting for some slip up? There were so many others, Lin, Komaji, Boa.

The need of seeing them again was what ser her in motion. Chihiro took a deep, almost steadying breath, holding it and stepping onto the bridge. Her steps were quick, but careful, making sure she didn't take a single breath. She didn't want to risk being discovered before she even got a look inside.

Only a few feet away and Chihiro's heart was running a million miles a minute. Even more so when one of the greeters turned and squinted in her direction. Chihiro picked up her pace a little bit, hoping the woman hadn't seen her. Those hopes were quickly dashed when the scrutinizing eyes followed her movements. With a small laugh, she spoke to the woman next to her, "Why is her face all scrunched up like that?"

Chihiro stopped dead in her tracks.

Haha. Dead.

"I don't know. Maybe we should get Lin out here. Lin!"

The breath Chihiro had been holding left her in a rush. Lin was here, and she was coming out to see her.

"What?" came an irritated, yet smooth, voice. "What do you want?"

"There's some weird girl here and we don't know if she's a client or…"

It was then that a woman stepped out from behind a red curtain. Her brown hair was long and tied in a single ponytail down the middle of her back. The face was the same. Maybe a few more fine lines, but Chihiro considered them signs of wisdom. Lin hadn't changed at all.

"And the best way to handle it is, of course, to discuss it in front of her. Well, what do we have here? Where's your mommy, little girl?"

Yep. Lin was still Lin.

"Lin…" Chihiro mumbled, almost in disbelief. Lin straightened, the hands that had been on her hips falling limply to her sides.

"Chihiro?"

They were hugging before any sound of confirmation left Chihiro's lips. Lin smelled much like the rest of the bathhouse. Clean, with a touch of herbs and incense. It calmed her, and she hadn't realized she had nearly fallen asleep until Lin pulled away. Lin was almost babbling with excitement, which pleased Chihiro to no end, as their friendship hadn't faded. Soon enough the questions started to arise as to why Chihiro was even in the spirit world.

"Geez, Chihiro. It looks like you got hit by a bus."

"Feels like it too," Chihiro returned with a bitter smile.

"Oh, oh, Chihiro."

She was enveloped in another hug, this time out of sympathy. Tears welled in her eyes, but Chihiro swallowed the lump in her throat. She wasn't safe yet.

"I need somewhere to stay, Lin. I don't know what happened exactly and…"

It didn't take a lot to make Lin understand. With a sharp nod and a quick swipe under her also damp eyes, Lin led Chihiro through the front entrance of the bathhouse.

"We don't need to sneak like the last time," Lin explained with a wink. "You don't smell like a human so there aren't so many red flags. There may be some curiosity, yes, but since you're with me no one will question it."

Lin's words held true. Chihiro was able to walk beside her with only a few stares, none of which contained objection.

"What did you mean by, 'Since you're with me'?" Chihiro inquired as they hopped on one of the many elevators.

"Oh, right. You wouldn't know," A sort of devilish smile tweaked the corners of Lin's lips. "I got a promotion."

"Are you serious?" When Lin only nodded in reply, Chihiro nearly suffocated her in a hug.

"That's amazing! When? Why?"

Lin shrugged. "They finally recognized my true potential. I haven't needed a manicure in years."

Still waggling her fingers, the elder stepped out of their elevator and after a quick stroll, right onto the next. Chihiro took the opportunity to take in her surroundings. Baths separated by screens dotted the floor beneath them. Steamy air slightly clouded her view, but she could still see the multitude of spirits being pampered, staff bustling around them.

Chihiro wondered what position she'd be in after all of this.

A few more elevator switches and she was staring out at the highest floor. A light hand was placed on her shoulder as Lin leaned in for a half hug and to whisper, "You've done it once, you can do it again. Good luck, kid."

Chihiro was able to stop herself from being abandoned before she asked one last thing.

"Lin! What about Haku? Where is Haku?"

"Ugh, not Haku. First time we see each other in how long?" Came the complaints, but there was an odd glint in Lin's eyes that Chihiro didn't know how to interpret. "I'll tell you when you come back down. So stay alive until then! You hear me?"

The elevator doors closed and Chihiro was left alone. It didn't take long to walk to the two large double doors that led towards what was either her future of her doom. What took a few, very long, moments of gathering herself was actually reaching towards the handle. Right before her fingers touched the cool brass, Chihiro remembered something. She should knock. Holding back the nervous giggle, Chihiro did just that and before she could do it a second time, the doors parted. All of them, and Chihiro walked, numbly, but she still moved and that had to count for something.

The last door came too soon, and though Chihiro had prepared herself she was still surprised by what she saw as she rounded the corner.

Instead of the curved frame of a woman and a shock of white hair, Chihiro found the tall lean figure of a man in front of her. A man with long, flowing, blue hair. Her gasp was beyond audible and it was what finally caught the man's attention. When he finally turned around, Chihiro was almost sure she would have gasped again if she had even been breathing.

Standing in front of her was a face that she had dreamed about for years.

"Haku?"

Chihiro didn't take the time for him to respond as she practically tackled him. This wasn't in her head anymore. He was there, warm, breathing, and in her arms…

A firm hand pushed her away, and it was only then that Chihiro noticed the confusion and suspicion in the deep blue eyes.

"How do you know that name? You're not an employee? I don't go by that name anymore. Only they would know something like that…"

It felt as if she was paralyzed. Shock coursing through her body, only her hands functioning properly. Or maybe not, as they were curling tighter into the fabric of Haku's dark robes. "You…You don't remember me? Y-you, don't know who I am?"

Haku arched one dark eyebrow and simply shook his head. That was the first time Chihiro had ever felt heart break, and it wasn't a pleasant experience, chest seeming to tighten as her heart snapped into two.

No, he had to remember. If she did, he must too. Their friendship was mutual. It wasn't as if she had been some poor little girl that needed help and he wanted out of his bathhouse. They were friends, had cared about each other. Hadn't they?

Chihiro grasped desperately at her own wrist, a small rush of relief when she felt the woven strands there. She pulled the purple hair tie from her wrist and started working her hair into a ponytail, Haku watching in quiet confusion and perhaps, amusement, the entire time.

"I'm hurt, Haku," Chihiro said dropping her trembling hands. "My name is Ogino Chihiro. Remember me now? And my little pink shoe?"

The recognition and surprise was evident, Haku's eyes widening, almost impossibly, the small clipboard he was holding, falling from his grasp. "Chi…Hiro?"

She nodded and stood while the silence stretched out between them, Haku collecting himself. He picked up his clipboard then sat himself in the high-backed, leather chair behind his desk. Chihiro wasn't sure if it was because of disbelief or if Haku wanted to be as far away from her as possible. With the look he was giving her…

"How? How are you here, Chihiro? You're supposed to be in the human world. Your world. Living a long, fulfilling life. What…Why?"

"I was in a car accident. I didn't make it across the street in time and I was struck."

That little tidbit seemed to be too much for Haku to take, slumping forward to rest his forehead in his palm. Chihiro wanted to move forward, ease whatever he was feeling, but she was scared she would be pushed away again.

Haku stood, restless, and walked towards her again. "If that's the case, why are you here? This is a place for nature spirits. Not your kind."

_Not your kind. _Had it really mattered that much before?

"That's what I don't know. I just remember the crash, then waking up here. I was hoping that I could stay here until I figured it all out. And I was hoping that maybe, you would help me?"

Haku seemed surprised at her request. He must have figured she had popped in for a little hello before moving on to wherever it was she was supposed to go.

"You would ask such a thing, even after your last experience here?"

Chihiro attempted to say something, but it seemed Haku was on a roll.

"After all that we went through to get your life back? This place nearly stole your life from you, Chihiro!"

"And what life do I have to go back to now?" Chihiro argued, stunned at Haku's outburst. "I'm _dead_, Haku! I don't really think I'm going back home anytime soon."

Haku refused to meet her eyes, and Chihiro sighed, gripping the bridge of her nose. This had not been what she had pictured when she thought of their reunion. She didn't know if she expected them to dance around in a meadow of flowers, getting lost in each other's presence, but she didn't expect to be at each other's throats.

"All I'm asking for, Haku, is a little time. Will you please, give me a job?" When it seemed Haku was going to argue again, Chihiro butted in, throwing Haku's words back at him. "Didn't you say you would protect me?" That stumped him. "Where is that promise now? Keep it to me, Haku. Give me a place to stay." _Some form of comfort._

Chihiro swore she could hear Haku's jaw clenching, but he handed her a contract anyways. She knew he would, and she signed it quickly. He took it carefully, staring at the name written there. Her name, but not any longer. It belonged to Haku now, and Chihiro found she felt no discomfort in that fact.

"Welcome, Chihiro, no, Sen, to your new job. I hope it pleases you."

**A/N: **Can I just say that I'm so, terribly sorry about how late this is? I had been hoping to update it Monday, but failed horribly. The main reason is that exams were all week this week, but I also have club activities before and after school on Mondays, then after school on Tuesdays, and before school on Fridays...*sigh* So, my update date will now be every Friday. If I still miss it then you are free to track me down and beat me with a stick. I hope you enjoyed chapter two~!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The pink and white uniform wasn't as comfortable as she remembered it to be. But of course, her body had been very different then. She absolutely refused to go without a bra on a daily basis, as most women in the bathhouse did. Social situations, in her opinion, called for as much. Especially if she was going to be around Haku.

Which she highly doubted would happen.

She had quickly been pushed out the door by a thoroughly frustrated river spirit. He hadn't even assigned her a mentor. No matter, it wasn't as if she really needed one. It had been easy enough to walk back downstairs and into the women's dorms, get out a properly fitting uniform and dress herself before hunting down Lin.

"Oh look, she's a big girl now," Lin chimed, referring to Chihiro's fully clothed self.

"What the hell, Lin?"

"Whoa, complete with big girl words."

"You knew Haku was up there. You knew he was the head of the bathhouse." Lin became extremely interested in her toes as Chihiro continued. "Why didn't you tell me?"

With a sigh she moved into the comforting hand that was placed on her arm. Chihiro couldn't stay upset with Lin when she saw and felt the concern there. "I thought…it was something you had to find out yourself. I knew you would be wondering about him from the moment you arrived here. I didn't want to drop something like that on you and make you even more confused, or upset."

Chihiro nodded in understanding. If she had known the person waiting for her had been not Haku, but a shell of the person she knew, she probably wouldn't have been able to continue.

"He's not the same boy you knew Chihiro. He changed after you left and not for the better as we all had hoped. He gave us some slack, yes, but he became so solitary. He wouldn't listen to reason, not even from Kamaji."

"Why? Why did he change? Was it Yubaba? Lin, please tell me."

The elder gently patted the arm she still had a hold off. "Again, I don't really think I'm the one to tell you that. Here," Lin handed her a wide tray scattered with food before the full affect her pout could set in. "Take this to the boiler room. There's someone there who wants to talk with you."

Her grin was wide, and with one final wink from Lin, Chihiro did as ordered with no small amount of excitement. Still, she made sure to grab an extra roasted newt on her way out.

|g|

If her hair hadn't still been secured in a pony tail, it surely would have taken on a life of its own in the dry air of the boiler room. Not only had the room been freed of any moisture, it was _hot, _and the smell of charcoal and raw herbs accompanied it. The bright fire writhed and hissed from the open door of the boiler, the creaking of the aged iron mouth continuous, like a heartbeat. Chihiro had to wipe her forehead on her sleeve within seconds of stepping into the room. Still, that didn't dim any of the anticipation of seeing Kamaji again.

She remembered how the old man had so easily lied, claiming she was his granddaughter, all to help her. She remembered how he had watched over Haku as he healed when she could not. Kamaji and Haku…

The scratch of a wooden door opening and closing, plus Chihiro's soft knock, got Kamaji's attention. When he caught sight of her, the smile that stretched across his aged face drew and equally big one from her. She could almost imagine the scrunching of his eyes behind his round, black glasses.

"My goodness. Who is this beautiful young woman come to pay me a visit, eh? It couldn't possibly be my little Chihiro." Even as he spoke, Kamaji was opening his many arms.

"It's me," Chihiro nearly squealed with delight, running and jumping into the offered hug. She heard the return excited shouts of the sootsprites and couldn't help the giggle. She felt almost ridiculously giddy, as if she were young again, being doted on with cuddles and sweets. "I'm back Kamaji. I'm finally back."

With a final squeeze, Chihiro was drawn back so Kamaji could get a good look at her. "I'm glad! You're a sight for sore eyes my dear. Though I have to say, I didn't expect to see you again quite so soon. You should have returned looking as withered as me."

"You are not withered," Chihiro insisted. "You still look strong as an ox." Kamaji flexed, earning another bout of laughter from her. Had it really only been a few hours since she had laughed like that?

"But I probably shouldn't be here. It's due to my own stupidity, really. I got hit by a car." Kamaji's sharp inhale could probably be heard upstairs and definitely over the roar of the fire.

It seemed the lectures came along with the milk and cookies grandparents feel. "Chihiro…why weren't you more careful? You're still so young. How could you be so careless? There were still so many possibilities for you in that world."

"That's where you're wrong," Chihiro said, exasperated. She stood and began pacing around the room, finally settling at the edge of the wooden floor, petting the sootsprites that jumped to greet her. "In that world everything was so dull. I was bored on a daily basis. And lonely. I had friends, but none of them compared to you, or Lin, or Haku…"

"Ah," Kamaji murmured. "Now I see how it is. Please don't tell me this is all about Haku."

Chihiro remained quiet. Perhaps it hadn't always been, but it was now.

"I know Lin's already told you, and I'm not going to tell you any different. Haku isn't the same boy you grew to love back then. He's become something terrible. Not like Yubaba was," he quickly added at the horrified expression on Chihiro's face. "Haku can be kind. When he shows any emotion at all, that is. The day you left, Haku came back and confronted Yubaba. She had been waiting for him. She knew he was no longer under her control, but she was still willing to cut her losses and let Haku go without a fight. But Haku refused. He told her that she had taken too much away from him, so he was going to take _everything_ away from her. Stupid woman figured her meant Boa, but what Haku really wanted was the bathhouse. Yubaba was infuriated and she told him no, so they fought, with Haku eventually willing.

"After Haku took over, things were a little better here. There work is still rough, but the food is good and sleeping arrangements comfortable. It is a business after all. Still, he hasn't smiled since, hasn't smiled at anyone the way he did you."

"All the more reason for me to stay!"

"No, Chihiro," Kamaji insisted, shaking his head. "This bathhouse sucks the life out of everyone inside it. Even with a new owner. That's why Haku is the way he is. Instead of a slug possessing him now, it's the exhaustion, and the stress of being the head of a successful business. His soul is worn out, and that's something that is not so easily repaired."

Chihiro's arms were wrapped tightly around her knees. She couldn't believe things had gone so horribly wrong. "Why are you still here, Kamaji? You said Haku was more understanding. He surely would have let a dear friend like you go had you only asked."

To her surprise, Kamaji chuckled. "Like I said, the food is good. Also, I'm an old man. It's too late for me to start a new career."

Chihiro took the outstretched hand and walked until she rested next to Kamaji again, three of his six arms wrapped around her back. The thought didn't disgust her. She knew the man and she refused to believe this wasn't her place. She felt so comfortable.

"You are not like me, Chihiro. You were so young, with so many possibilities…" Kamaji drifted off into his own thoughts. She soon brought him back to the present with her movement, telling him she had to go and that he needed to finish eating before his food got cold.

She had gotten what she wanted. Though it still didn't explain why Haku had been so cold to her. Kamaji said he had smiled at no one like her did her, so why couldn't she make him smile now? No matter what Komaji said, she didn't have many possibilities now. So she was going to make the most of what she had, and she was going to see that smile on Haku again.

|g|

Chihiro walked briskly, setting the tray filled with now dirty dishes down on her way through the kitchen before walking out onto the main floor. Her aim had been to find Lin, perhaps work until her brain achieved some form of numbness, at least for a moment. Unfortunately, Lin was nowhere to be found. Though there was no shortage of workers on the floor. Actually, it seemed there were more than usually, all flitting about a bit anxiously. Chihiro traveled in the direction of the crowd and caught a glimpse of what all the fuss was about.

The small room was dominated by a large bath, as per usual, but instead of some radish spirit, the bath was occupied by a _woman_. And a beautiful woman at that. She was petite, but curvy from what Chihiro could see above the water. Her hair was long, flowing well past her shoulders and out into the water in front of her, glimmering a dark orange color. Her eyes were the same color, wide, and framed by thick, dark lashes. They fit her round face well. In short, she was beautiful. Save for the large fox ears that stood tall on each side of her head, shifting from side to side at each new sound.

She stood there for a moment, dumbfounded, before she had the thought to pull someone over and ask who the hell she was.

"You don't know," The toad asked in a condescending tone. "That is Lady Hotaru. Master Haku's woman."

Now that was even more unexpected. Haku, had a woman?

A beautiful woman too. It was no wonder the entire staff was groveling at her feet. Chihiro felt a bit nauseous. She hadn't even thought…but why wouldn't he? Haku was a full grown man. Of course he wouldn't hold on to childish memories and promises. She felt completely stupid. It was no wonder Haku had looked at her like gum on the bottom of his shoe when she suddenly showed up.

Haku had moved on.

The woman (Hotaru was it?) turned and looked up, accidentally catching Chihiro's eye. Though her cheeks had been flushed only moments before from the heat of the water, her face seemed pale. She kept eye contact for several moments before breaking away, splashing furiously towards the edge of the tub.

"My robe," the lady shouted at the closest attendant and then they were scrambling, passing a long, and red, velvet robe, warm and ready for when she stepped fully out of the tub. The woman's voice was surprisingly harsh for such a small, soft looking creature. She shouted out demands left and right, staff parting like the red sea to clear her path.

She was only a few feet away from Chihiro now and she knew it, turning with one last, startled look at Chihiro. As if she had seen a ghost. Just as soon as she had looked, her head was turned and she continued on her way, to the nearest elevator and on her way upstairs. To where Haku was no doubt.

Haku's woman.

Chihiro shook her head violently and grabbed the nearest rag, dunking It into a bucket of soapy water then wringing it out with all of her strength. As if it was around that little…No. Why was she feeling such jealousy? It wasn't as if she had been in that kind of relationship with Haku. He was perfectly free…

Chihiro got scolded and sent away when she almost scrubbed a hole through the floor.

By the time she got a few more grueling minutes of cleaning in, it was time for bed and Chihiro finally found Lin in the women's dorm.

"Chihiro," Lin greeted her with a smile. "How was Kamaji?"

"Kamaji was fine. Same as ever. It was really good to see him again."

"I knew that would make you feel better," Lin said, cuffing her arm lightly. "Did he tell you about Haku?"

Chihiro nodded. The conversation had been circling through her mind all night, intertwined with images of that…

"Yeah he told me about Haku. What he didn't tell me, was about Lady Hotaru."

Lin stood stiff as a board. "You just saw her?"

Chihiro nodded, nibbling at her steam bun half heartedly. "She was bathing when I came back upstairs. She's really pretty."

"Oh, Chihiro. I thought you had seen her upstairs with Haku and that was why you were so upset. I'm so sorry. I should have mentioned something."

"No that's okay," Chihiro said, stopping Lin short. It already hurt enough, no matter how irrationally. "It's not like we were…like that. We were kids. You know? It's fine. It's fine."

They finished the rest of their dinner in silence. Setting out their futons, Chihiro needed to know one more thing.

"Did you recognize me," Chihiro wondered aloud.

"What do you mean," Lin asked, folding over the top blanket of her futon, scooting in and taking her hair out of its tie.

"Out on the bridge. Did you recognize me?"

Lin thought for a moment, before nodding. "It took a few seconds, but I had a feeling even before you spoke. Your face isn't that different? You still have really round cheeks," she said, poking said cheek. It drew a small chuckle from the younger girl. "Why do you ask?"

Chihiro sobered and curled under the blanket, pulling it up to her chin, but that didn't stop the chill that traveled up her spine. "No reason. Just curious."

Lin shrugged and tucked herself in. Seconds later the room was dark, the only sounds the soft breathing of the women around her.

Chihiro still didn't fall asleep for hours afterwards, and when she did, her dreams were full of images of Haku, that woman's arms draped over his shoulders.

**A/N:** For some reason it was difficult for me to write this chapter. Part of it may be that it was mostly filler. Just outlining the new workings of the bathhouse. The next chapter will be more entertaining, going more into depth with Chihiro and Haku's current relationship. A friend of mine, ~.net, suggested that this is progressing a bit slowly. With this chapter, I agree, but if I'm worried that if I progress it faster, it won't last very long. I'm not sure that it's going to be more that 10 chapters as is. So I was wondering what my wonderful readers were thinking~ Please let me know in your reviews! Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

The bathhouse remembered her. At first she had just seemed a new recruit. As the day went on though, recognition washed through the staff like a tidal wave. There were mixed feelings. Most, though they were confused, greeted her congenially, if not in a congratulatory way on helping to take down Yubaba. Others had no idea who she was, to her relief, though she doubted the newbies would be in the dark for long.

Then there were the ones who would rather see her gutted than sharing the same air as them.

They were mostly frogs that had been Yubaba's right hands during her reign. Thanks to Chihiro, they were now at the bottom of the food chain. Cleaning out tubs or attending to the every whim of needy spirits. People like Lin had been assigned to their old jobs. Organization and basic ass-kissing.

Chihiro was called to the kitchen from where she had been mopping, finding it much easier to run with her butt in the air than before. She chalked it up to having finally gotten over her awkwardness during puberty. Upon her arrival, a waitress shoved a tray into her arms then rushed through her instructions.

She was to take master Haku his breakfast.

Up to his room.

Every argument Chihiro threw at the woman was evaded.

She was needed on the main floor. _The wait staff could handle it._

She hadn't finished mopping. _There were plenty of rookies to do the grunt work._

She was sick. _Don't breathe around Master Haku._

That wouldn't be a problem.

|g|

Chihiro stood at the massive, intricately carved oak doors as if she were heading to her own execution. There really was no guarantee Haku wouldn't go feral and pop her head off between those wickedly sharp teeth like a Barbie doll.

Okay, that may have been an exaggeration. Even if Haku wasn't ecstatic with her arrival it didn't mean he would harm her in any way. It just wasn't in his nature.

Rivers were smooth, swift, transcending time. Even the white peaks of rapids were graceful in their violence. Stories of those who were wounded or killed by rivers were usually due to their own stupidity. If you respected a river, it respected you. They had the power to support and entire civilization at the best of times or leave them to dry and shrivel out of existence at the worst.

Chihiro hoped this was one of the good times.

At her small knock, the door opened much like it had before, as if some invisible force were on the opposite side, beckoning her forward. She walked, attempting to concentrate on not spilling the tray rather than who the tray was intended for.

It was for that reason that Chihiro didn't notice that Haku was too preoccupied to realize who was serving him anyways. The cause of his inattention being a woman poised over his lap. Hotaru's fingers were woven deep into the silken blue hair that flowed down Haku's back. Her long finger nails massaging here and there. She was pressed into his body in more ways than seemed humanly possible, though she guessed that didn't really matter in their case, and in more places than were really appropriate. Haku was basking in the attention. His eyes closed and lips quirked in bliss.

Chihiro's heart felt leaden in her chest, her stomach threatening to give her a second glance at what she had eaten that morning.

The two spirits remained transfixed on each other until the obnoxious clatter of Haku's meal being set on the desk _right in front of them _caught their attention. They didn't seem surprised, only disgruntled at being interrupted. Haku seemed to be, at least. Hotaru's expression leaned more towards smugness.

She swallowed thickly unsure of what to do for an uncomfortable eternity, and then she bowed and jogged out of Haku's office. Hotaru's giggling, which soon turned into sighing, echoed down the hallway after her.

|g|

Only the second night on the job and her hands were already dry and cracked from being continuously damp. The muscles of Chihiro's arms screamed with constant use. He knees had taken blows as well, turning a few light shades of blue and purple. But there was a smile on her face.

No one could say she hadn't performed an honest day's work. Her breath came a little harder and her body sang from exertion but she was content. Was she supposed to be looking for way out? Oops, seemed she had forgotten.

Chihiro had gotten caught up in the fact that she was finally there.

All complications and confusion aside, she was back in the spirit world and she had to take a deep breath to calm herself. If had hit her as she had sat with Lin during dinner the night before. Just sitting and talking. About how long it would be before the weather cooled with winter arriving soon after, and about that one guest who had no business ordering that extra serving. The conversation had rarely drifted to her predicament and never to the one upstairs. It had been wonderful, calming. Something she had needed desperately. If only she hadn't had to go through so much to get it.

With the lights out and her head clear from laughter, Chihiro had fallen asleep quickly, and hoped the same would be true for tonight.

"You're, Chihiro, right?" She turned at her name and noticed the ears first.

In the doorway stood Lady Hotaru, looking rather regal in her floor length kimono. With sleeves that were long and flowing, adorned with a red floral pattern on white silk. The neckline had been pulled open, revealingly, and was draped over only one shoulder. Her hair color was lighter than Chihiro remembered, longer too as it swept down well past her bottom, but it had been wet when she had first laid eyes on the woman. Also upon closer look, she noticed that Lady Hotaru had three tails.

_So she's a relatively young Kitsune_, Chihiro thought. A fox spirit. She wasn't sure if the presence was malevolent or not yet.

"Ah, yes. My name is Ogino Chihiro and I'm-"

"Oh, I know all about you," Hotaru interrupted, her smile more than a little condescending. Malevolent it was. "Chihiro, the little human girl, in the wrong place, at the wrong time. Enslaved due to the idiocy of her parents. Ignorant enough herself to let No-Face into the bathhouse. Then she ran away. But she got the monster to leave. Both, considering you got rid of Yubaba as well, with Haku's help, and oh, how wonderful it was that she was able to return home, both parents in tow. Happily, ever, after."

Chihiro didn't realize she had been slowly backing up until her heel hit the edge of a bath.

What had she been doing? Ah, right, cleaning.

"I'm flattered, really, but I have to get back to work."

Chihiro tried to dodge to the side, but a hand blocked her path, its mirror soon on the other side. She had nowhere to go but back, until she was practically lying along the curve of the tub.

"I didn't come here just to chit-chat. I have a message from Haku. For you." Hotaru said the last part grudgingly, almost in disbelief that Haku would even bother with such a lower being. "He wants you to meet him in his office when you're finished with your duties.

"Chihiro-_chan_," Hotaru cooed, and Chihiro's jaw clenched at the use of such a casual honorific. "I'm sure you know as well as I do that Haku can be a bit…rough," the word was practically a purr. "But he really has your best intentions in mind. So just, listen to his advice, 'kay? A little, submission, will get you a long way."

With a final smirk, Hotaru sashayed from to room, down the hall, and past a very startled Lin.

"What did she want," Lin inquired from Chihiro's side, eyes wide.

"She was just letting me know that Haku wanted to talk to me later."

Lin smiled at that. "See? I knew he would come around eventually. He was just surprised is all."

"Yeah," she murmured, but there was no real acknowledgment in the sound.

Hotaru assumed too much, Chihiro decided. No, she hadn't known…that about Haku. Hadn't really wanted to, hadn't needed to.

Without another word, Chihiro prepared to meet with Haku, wiping up the large puddle she had, at some point, wrung onto the floor from her rag.

|g|

"Chihiro! Thanks for coming. I thought I'd check in on you. See how you were handling everything," Haku greeted, his smile so fake she wouldn't have been surprised had is just fallen off. "Are you enjoying working here?"

"I am." That smile faltered, twitched, just a bit.

"That's good to hear. I don't like seeing my employees upset or uncomfortable. But truthfully, I think your talents are being wasted and I'd be more than happy to help you find a way out of this mess."

"Thank you, but I'm just starting to get settled. I would like to gain my bearings here first, before I go traipsing into dangerous territory."

That smile fell fully this time, Haku's mouth curling into an annoyed frown. "You know very well you're already in dangerous territory, Chihiro."

"I'm not going to die crossing the street here, Haku."

A growl of frustration ripped itself from Haku as the man stood, bringing his hands down hard onto the desktop. Chihiro jumped at least a foot at the loud sound. "So you're just going to rot here instead?"

"Is that so much worse?"

"You were free out there!"

"That's where you're wrong! What's freedom without happiness? How could I be free when I was constantly trapped in my own head, dreaming of being back here, with all of you? And now I'm back and I can concentrate on something other than fairytales. Every day there was the same. Wake up, go to school, go home, and work more until I fall asleep over my books. I know what you're going to say Haku," Chihiro said as the river spirit opened his mouth to interject. It closed just as quickly. "But it's not the same. Here, here I have people who make me feel alive. Oh, gosh that sounds so strange, but here is bright and bustling. Even if there's a lot of work to be done, the bathhouse is exciting! Everyone here is just too absorbed in themselves or whatever the hell else to realize it."

"How can they be absorbed in themselves when they don't even remember who they truly are?"

"So give them their names back."

"You know very well I couldn't do that. Everyone would leave without a second thought."

Chihiro shrugged helplessly. "Yes, but they'd eventually come back. They would come back and stay, just like you and I did."

Now _that_ was dangerous territory. As if they were in the same situation.

"Not everyone is as optimistic as you are."

"Maybe if you were they would want to stay." At this Haku laughed. The sound was obnoxious and bitter.

"Oh, so now you're bringing up my character?"

"Should I not be? From what I've heard you've barely spoken to anyone without necessity the entire time I've been gone!"

"And you think I'm worse than all of them," Haku incredulously asked, pointing towards the door. Towards everyone downstairs. "They're just as bad, if not worse than _me_. Sniveling and greedy. I had hoped it was just a fluke, the effect of Yubaba's touch. At first I had just wanted to get back at her. Then, for some reason, I thought I could help them. That they, we all, could be happier if I took over. So I did. But nothing changed. They're just as conceited as before. All earnest smiles and selfless acceptations until you turn your back or let your guard down."

"There. There it is." Haku turned to Chihiro, finally meeting her eyes since she had walked into the room. Confusion was evident there. "There's the Haku I remember. The one who truly thought about others in the end. What happened to him?"

"All of this," Haku shouted, gesturing about the room. "I should have left. Probably would have after all, had I had somewhere to go to."

Chihiro had no doubt he would have. However, the Kohaku River had been filled in. She had checked it, multiple times, during her summer breaks and right before she left for Tokyo.

"You don't know," Haku continued after sucking in a long breath. "Do you not remember how I stole Zeniba's golden seal? How I attempted to steal the magic of both those sisters?"

"I remember."Oh yes she remembered. Remembered the consequences all too easily. How the blood had oozed from Haku's skin after Zeniba had had attacked him, wanting her seal back. How he had bled not only from the outside, but the inside as well. The magic of the seal slowly eating away at him. "But you did it for your own protection, Haku."

"You think the others aren't doing the same? Aren't simply protecting themselves?"

"I'm sure not all of them are!"

"So which is it? They truly love this place, deep, _deep_ down? Or are they all conniving bastards in the end?"

"A mixture of both."

No comeback came and they stood in silence for several minutes. Haku began rubbing his temples, breathing deeply, much like she, attempting to calm himself. Chihiro couldn't help but feel some satisfaction in that. As least she had gotten some kind of reaction out of him.

"I'm not going to change my mind, Haku."

She took one shaky step forward, then steeling her resolve, Chihiro briskly walked to Haku's desk. Reaching, she pulled the hand down where it had rested on the side of his face. The first skin to skin contact since their first fight. It was hard to ignore the electricity that raced over her skin from the touch. She had really been hoping there wouldn't be a second.

"And you aren't going to change it either. I'm staying here, with Lin and Kamaji. People who care about me and understand me. I was hoping you could be one of those people too."

Haku's eyes were wide as he stared at her. His hand was soon ripped from hers and Haku backed up marginally away from desk, away from her.

"Fine then, if you won't leave the bathhouse, then leave my office. But I'm telling you, Chihiro, this conversation isn't over."

The nod was easy and though she should have been hurt by the cold words, she wasn't. It just meant she would get to talk to him again.

Without another word, Chihiro turned on her heel and headed out through the oak doors. Her eyes caught a flash of orange, and sure enough, Hotaru was headed in the opposite direction. Towards Haku. Her expression was a far cry from the smirk she usually seemed to wear, pretty mouth bowed in distaste. It wasn't pretty at all.

"I warned you, Chihiro. You should have listened to Haku. He would have saved you. You're like the rest of them now. Sad, weak, and free game to me."

Chihiro puffed up a bit at the fox's insults. Chihiro may have been ditzy at times, but she was never weak.

"Catch me, if you can."

**A/N: **It's…like two weeks later…and I'm just posting this…hmm. I'm really sorry! . I had three major projects due last week so I rarely had time for myself to think let alone type anything up. Since I have Chemistry, Trigonometry, _and _Genetics, I'm not sure how much time I'll have until the end of the school year but I promise I'll try my best and you guys won't have to go too long without an update.

A little insight on Hotaru for those of you who aren't very familiar with Japanese spirits. Hotaru is a spirit known as a Kitsune or a fox spirit. In Japanese folklore, Kitsune were known to be mischievous, but could bring either good luck or bad luck depending on if you were in their good graces. Kitsune often took the form of beautiful woman and were the lovers of human men. I mentioned that Hotaru only has three tails. With age Kitsune gain tails, eventually ending up with nine when reach their full potential. Kitsune also gain power with each new tail, so Hotaru if fairly young and inexperienced, but not so much as to not be a threat to Chihiro. Kitsune can also be paired with the element of fire. Hotaru's name itself means, "firefly."

I hope that little rambling was helpful ^^ Thanks for reading~!


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Contrary to Haku's vow, days came and went without a single glance, let alone a word from him. Though it seemed as if he didn't notice her, Chihiro sure did notice him. The staff said he didn't socialize, but he made the illusion of it. Haku took good care of his clients, making them feel special with his smiles. It seemed he was never alone in the act, because always at his side was Hotaru. She hung off his arm every second of every day, seeming more like a monkey than a fox.

A very pampered monkey.

Hotaru seemed to be dressed in a different kimono each day, all silk, floor-length, and their patterns intricate, delicate. It was obvious that each dress had been weaved and embroidered by hand.

She definitely loved Haku for his personality, Chihiro thought balefully. If Haku would just cool off and realize that Chihiro was there to stay, even if they found a reason as to why she was there in the first place, they could start where they left off. Spending lazy hours strolling the grounds hand-in-hand, like when they were little, while the rest of the bathhouse slept. They could travel during calm times. Go visit Granny, Boa, and No-Face. They could watch over the main floor together and put Hotaru completely out of their minds…Such thoughts were quickly banished. She had no right to judge Hotaru so harshly, even if her manners were down to a monkey's standards as well. Chihiro was actually a bit surprised Hotaru hadn't begun flinging any…Unpleasant substances every time she walked into Haku's office to serve his breakfast.

It seemed the nasty look Haku sent her upon entrance sufficed. No words were spoken as she came and went. Just those looks, his eyes rising for barely more than a second before dropping back down to study some new paperwork. Luckily she was only subject to the stink eye once a day as someone else served him both lunch and dinner. No, her dinner responsibilities were in the boiler room, with Kamaji.

The door slid open with a friendly _swish_ and Kamaji turned with a smile already on his face. "You hungry?" Chihiro asked the man who was practically drooling as she closed the door behind herself. Tonight was rice with fried prawns, the usual, but Chihiro's stomach rumbled. She hadn't eaten since nightfall, too distracted by the hovering of the happy couple to stop and grab a bite or two.

"Hungry is a constant state with me, my dear," Kamaji replied eagerly, earning a chuckle from his waitress. Kamaji wasn't a fib and he pounced on the tray before it was fully set in from of him.

"Geez, Kamaji. Do you even taste it?" Chihiro sat on the edge of his work station turned bed as he ate. The soot sprites were already munching on their multicolored stars that somehow sustained them. The boiler was at rest, for now, streaming softly. Finally at peace, Chihiro sighed, lay back, and groaned when her back straightened against the hard wood.

"What's weighing on your mind, little one?" Kamaji inquired, finally stopping the trail of food to his mouth to breathe. Chihiro gave a small smile. Of course Kamaji would be able to tell, and the endearment made her all warm and fuzzy. Not even her real grandfather had used such nicknames.

"It's…Haku," Chihiro admitted.

"Ah, I figured as much. Since when did you become a woman who worried nothing more than of her love life?" Kamaji asked after sighing and shaking his head.

Chihiro sputtered, mind stalling for a moment. "Love life? Oh, no, no, no, no. I do not have a love life, especially not one with Haku."

Kamaji just gave her a skeptical look which Chihiro attempted not to notice. She really didn't want to talk about this. Actually, she had already gotten the lecture from Lin. The older woman had cornered her once she had come back downstairs after taking Haku his breakfast. Lin had stared her down for a few nerve-wracking moments, Chihiro unsure of what Lin was even looking for or if she was angry. Suddenly, Lin's serious expression had faded into a smug and knowing grin. Then a loving pat was delivered to Chihiro's cheek before Lin walked away without a single word, leaving Chihiro utterly confused.

The question had come later though. What was Haku to her? Chihiro had answered automatically, a childhood friend. However, Lin continued to silently look at her with that quit-kidding-yourself face. Chihiro had fidgeted uncomfortably for only a few seconds before she insisted that there was nothing else again. Lin had looked a bit disappointed, but then she smiled again and continued to pester Chihiro throughout the following days.

The possibility that she was headed for that all over again did not sit well with Chihiro. She didn't even want to think of what would happen if Lin and Kamaji decided to team up.

"There's really nothing going on between us, Kamaji. That's one of the problems. _Not, _because we aren't romantic," Chihiro threw in when she saw Kamaji grin from the corner of her eye. "It's that we're not even friends anymore."

The old boiler man made a small noise in the back of his throat but said nothing, letting Chihiro continue with her explanation. It wasn't easy though, to combine all of her thoughts on Haku, and her entire situation. Right when she had arrived, she had been frightened; yet, Haku hadn't been there to help her. That had never happened before.

Hopping from her perch, Chihiro began pacing, collecting her thoughts.

"When I woke up here, I was confused. I barely remembered what had happened. Then I made it to the bathhouse and I had felt more at ease than I had all day. Even before my death. My life wasn't bad, per se. I wasn't starving or abused. I had a few friends, and even if they didn't always show it, I know my family loved me. It's just that…My life, on Earth, had been so dull. Day in and day out I felt as if nothing changed. My education was more of a hassle, not only to me, but to my parents. They spent money on a degree that possibly didn't matter, thanks to the economy.

"But here…My time here had been stressful too. It had been a living nightmare actually. Anyone in their right mind wouldn't want to come back but some of my most memorable days were spent here. There are so many people I love here, people who helped me through a dark time no matter the risk to themselves. I was able to smile because of it. That is why I wanted to come back, even if I'm crazy for it, because of the excitement, and the warmth. I wanted to feel alive again, but it hurts. It hurts when one of those people, perhaps the one that matters the most, turned me away so coldly."

Kamaji sat for a moment longer, but with the wave of his hand, Chihiro, who had been standing in silent misery, ran across the room and jumped into his six open arms. The boiler man simply ran weathered fingers through Chihiro's hair as she wept, wept like she hadn't in years, like she hadn't been able to when she had come to the bathhouse. She had been so swept up in finding her place again, finding peace, _finding Haku_, that she hadn't been able to cry over how confused and frightened she had been. Chihiro let it all out then, all onto Kamaji's shoulder which soon became soaked.

It didn't seem as though Kamaji minded, patting her back, her head, even rocking a little as Chihiro calmed down, slightly shivering from the rush of emotion. Only when Chihiro's breath had evened did Kamaji finally speak, his tone a comfort all on its own.

"He's only thinking of your best interest, Dear." When Chihiro began to protest, Kamaji quieted her with a gentle hand on the back of her head. "It's true. It's true for all of us. We wanted you to live a full life. You were a little human girl and surely couldn't stay here forever. Haku knew the spirit world wouldn't be able to give you everything you'd need like in the human world. That's why he let you go. It killed him, but he did what was best for you at the time."

"He has a funny way of showing it," Chihiro sniffled, indulging in a little self pity, even though she knew it wasn't fair.

"He was just shocked and probably angry that you had been so careless," Kamaji said with a heatless glare. "Haku…cares for you deeply."

Even if it wasn't coming out of Haku's mouth, the acknowledgment still made her heart pick up its pace, a light blush rising to her cheeks.

"He's still trying to do what's best for you, still trying to protect you. There's so much we don't know about what actually happened to you. Why is a human spirit in a place meant for the nature spirits of legend? It's not natural. Haku is simply trying to keep his distance until this entire mess can be figured out. So you don't develop any attachments only to have things pulled out from underneath you again."

Chihiro rested in silence, perfectly comfortable where she was and rather unwilling to move. Eventually Chihiro nodded, burrowing into Kamaji's shoulder before pulling back and wiping her face with the back of her hand. It was then that she saw the full extent of her tear's damage to Kamaji's shirt.

"Oh! I'm so sorry Kamaji! I'll go get you a clean shirt." Chihiro scrambled from the boiler man's lap to make a quick run for the laundry room but Kamaji was only chuckling.

"It's quite alright, Dear. I have some clean shirts down here already. A little water never hurt anyways. You should really get going though. They'll think I fed you to the fire instead." Chihiro laughed but did as Kamaji said, giving him a quick peck on the cheek before picking up the empty tray and leaving.

Chihiro had only made it a few steps up the stairs before a voice drifted from behind her. She turned, wondering if she had left anything in the boiler room. All that she was met with was a pair of gleaming brown eyes. Surprised, Chihiro nearly fell backwards down the stairs and barely caught herself and steadied her tray.

Hotaru's laughter was soft and amused. Chihiro wondered how she hadn't noticed the kitsune before as she was now wrapped in a bright red kimono. Hotaru stood, her bare shoulder lightly resting against the side of the stairs met by the wall. She was smiling a bit proudly, the same brown eyes focused on Chihiro.

"What's the matter, Chihiro-_chan_? You look like you've seen something unpleasant."

Chihiro smiled. Oh she had indeed. "Not at all, Lady Hotaru. I was surprised is all. I'm not used to meeting you in this part of the bathhouse. I'm not used to meeting anyone but Kamaji here, actually. It's even more rare, that you're not with Master Haku. You two seem so taken with each other."

"Hmm, yes," Hotaru said, her face had slowly taken a blank look as Chihiro spoke. Her smile was now gone and she sighed. "Haku was busy with paper work. It was so boring I couldn't stand to sit in that office any longer." Hotaru smiled again and swept forward, closer to Chihiro. "I thought I'd come visit my new acquaintance. We already have one thing in common."

"And what would that be?" Chihiro asked as she took a step back up the stairs, more than a little suspicious.

Hotaru jumped the distance between them, landing with an inhuman grace, her hand latched onto Chihiro's arm. "You and I are both in love with Haku."

Chihiro's eyes opened wide. She had not been expecting that. It was obvious Hotaru knew she wouldn't be if the smirk was any indication. Chihiro babbled for a moment before setting her jaw, glaring at the fox.

"I am _not_ in love with Haku. He and I are simply-"

"Simply childhood friends? Oh, get over yourself." Hotaru barked with more laughter. "I can see the way you look at him. You stare with stars in your eyes every time you see him around the bathhouse. You drool like a dog that just saw an especially large bone. Like something you want to get your paws and your mouth on. Face it, Chihiro-_chan_. You. Are. In. love. With. Haku."

"No," Chihiro insisted softly. She cared about Haku, cared about him deeply. They had once been surprisingly close for such a short relationship. Considering the temperaments of children, it shouldn't have been surprising. At a young age things like that were so simple. You liked each other, you were friends. If you didn't like each other, well that was that. Chihiro had liked Haku and she had thought Haku had like her back. They had been friends. Even if they weren't any longer they had been, and Chihiro couldn't help but remember the lost boy Haku had been behind all that bravado. There was still a part of her, a very large part of her that wanted to protect him. If that meant she was in love with Haku then…

Hotaru snarled and pushed roughly against Chihiro's shoulder when silence dragged on, only broken by Chihiro's barely audible denials. The tray flew from Chihiro's hand and clattered down the stairs, the dishes it was supporting falling as well, porcelain bowls and chopsticks shattering on impact. The sound was loud enough to alert the whole bathhouse, but it seemed that Hotaru didn't care. Chihiro was sprawled over the stairs on her back, finding it extremely hard to breathe with the pain that consumed her entire body. It was almost as if she could feel the bruises blooming on her arms, ribs, and thighs.

An attempt was made to push herself up but Chihiro soon thought better of it when fire blazed through her muscles. _I can't breathe…I'm going to pass out_, Chihiro thought, her vision already waning.

Hotaru crouched and drew a hand across her cheek before gripping her jaw roughly. "Does it hurt? Of course it does, because you are weak. You are a human. Even if you won't admit your love, you still won't be able to give Haku what he needs. He doesn't love you no matter what kind of history you two have with each other. Haku is with me now. One of his own kind, a nature spirit. So I'll tell you once more, Chihiro-_chan_," Hotaru said, all of her false sweetness back in place. "Give up on Haku. Let him help you find your way to the proper afterlife. If he can't, I'll just have to help you myself."

With that final threat and a jerk of her hand, Hotaru released Chihiro, making the rest of her way downstairs.

{g}

Chihiro didn't know how long she lay there, at least long enough to hear Hotaru's footsteps fade, just trying to breathe. The pain dulled into a constant ache, probably made worse by resting on her wounds. Or maybe it was the pain deep in her chest as well. She had to move though, had to go downstairs. If she didn't, Lin or another superior would come looking for her. Kamaji might come out of the boiler room and find her. Then she would have to answer more questions when she wasn't sure of the answers herself.

The first few movements to sit up sent pain shooting through Chihiro's body, but she forced herself further upward. She made her way down the stairs slowly, almost in a crouch. Porcelain was strewn everywhere. The metal tray she had been holding was a few feet away from where she lay. It looked pitiful, bent in a few places, the tray's not-so-new surface even more worn now with a few scratches across the metal. Though Chihiro bet she didn't look much better.

There was no attempt to pick up the scattered shards of the dishes. Bruises she could hide. Bleeding cuts, not so much. She would come back down with a broom later. She didn't have much of a choice considering the kitchen staff would notice the missing dishes and make her clean it up as a punishment for being clumsy.

So Chihiro spent another half an hour traveling up and down stairs, her legs screaming, before she was finally released to the women's dorms.

{g}

The women's dorm was a flourish of gossip and changing clothes. With the chaos of preparing for bed, no one noticed Chihiro slip in, grab her pajamas, and slip out. Chihiro found a calm, isolated cupboard and striped out of her shirt. That simple movement brought an ache and Chihiro could already see bruises blooming on the back of her arms and thighs. She didn't even want to know what it would look like in the morning if the purple and blue blotches were any indicator.

Chihiro didn't bother wriggling out of her tank top, only removing her bra before gingerly doing the same with her pants and underwear. With fresh clothes soothing her skin and the dirty bundle under her arm, Chihiro crawled her way out of the cupboard. She would wash her clothes tomorrow night if she wasn't too sore. Which she seriously doubted.

The lights were already out by the time Chihiro made it back to the dorm. She attempted to be quiet, tip toeing through the scattered futons to her own. Stuffing the dirty clothes under her pillow, Chihiro pulled back the covers but she had only gotten one foot beneath them when a cool hand wrapped around the other. Her shout of alarm was caught in her throat as another hand gripped her calf tightly, digging into her bruises. Chihiro was pulled from her bed and though she struggled the person was too strong and each movement only caused more pain.

Chihiro could feel the wood floor tear at her skin but a hand over her mouth kept her from crying out. At this point the panic took over and Chihiro fought for her life, all pain be damned. A grunt of discomfort and an annoyed, "Would you stop, Chihiro?" came from behind her and Chihiro allowed herself to be drug away. Chihiro pulled the hand from her mouth and demanded, "Lin? What the hell do you think you're doing?" They were alone now and their gasping breaths rang out into the astonished silence.

"What's your problem?" Chihiro hissed, her body reeling with adrenaline.

"I knew it." Lin said accusingly.

"Knew what?" Lin looked pointedly to where Chihiro was gripping her injured arm which was still throbbing. _Damn it, _Chihiro thought, burying her hands in her lap, but it was too late. Lin lunged forward, yanking up Chihiro's sleeve and exposing the darkened flesh. Lin's gasp was like a gunshot in the quiet. The older woman fingered the bruise lightly, stopping when she noticed Chihiro's grimace.

"How did this happen?" Lin demanded.

Chihiro pulled the cloth back down frowning deeply. "When did you become one for man-handling, Lin? I just tripped and fell down the stairs on my way back from the boiler room." Lin looked utterly unconvinced.

"I know you're a klutz, Chihiro, but you've been up and down those steps at least a hundred times. Could probably climb them in your sleep. Now what really happened? Someone tripped you? Pushed you?" Chihiro must have hesitated a moment too long because Lin continued with, "Was it Hotaru?"

Chihiro clenched her teeth. She couldn't say yes. Knowing Lin, she would march right into Haku's office, regardless of the hour and demand he punish Hotaru or else she would do it herself. Happily. The argument that would ensue would no doubt wake the entire bathhouse and when the dust settled the staff would be at Haku's mercy for his interrupted beauty sleep. No, too much trouble. Too much drama. Too much disappointment when Haku wouldn't come to her aid. Chihiro would keep quiet.

"It's really nothing, Lin. I'm clumsier than you think. I just fell. End of story."

Lin drew back visibly, as if she had just been burned.

"Well, I guess I know where I stand then." Chihiro could feel Lin closing off as the elder rose, face angry with eyes holding deep hurt. Chihiro opened her mouth to explain but Lin had already began to continue. "To tell you the truth, I never thought I'd see the day that you and I wouldn't be able to tell each other everything. Even when you left for the human world I believed you would always be one of my best friends. I can see now that I was wrong. Don't worry, Chihiro, I won't bother you anymore." And with that Lin turned and walked away towards the girl's dorm.

Chihiro sat stunned. She and Lin had just...

The scream must have been deafening but Chihiro didn't care. She beat her fists into the floor only bringing them to her chest when they had stopped stinging and had become numb. Her cheeks were wet with the river of tears. They trailed down her nose and dripped onto the floor. She wiped at them angrily and standing, Chihiro ran, even at the protest of her aching muscles.

She ran without stop. She couldn't go back to the dorm. Lin was there. She couldn't go to the baths or she would surely be punished in the morning. She couldn't go to Haku. Definitely not Haku.

There was only one place she could go. She ran, barely skirting around the dishes that still lay shattered at the foot of the stairs. Chihiro climbed them quickly, tripping and banging her knees more than once, darkening the already bruised skin, there was little hesitation at the door of the boiler room. The door slid open with a soft _swish _and Chihiro winced, tip-toeing across the room to where Kamaji slept, snoring. Snoring which tapered off as Chihiro slid over the side of Kamaji's bed and burrowed under the covers.

Kamaji didn't speak, seeming to know that after so many harsh words she desperately needed silence. Slipping his arms around Chihiro's trembling figure, Kamaji ran his fingers through her hair and the heat from his body calmed her. It dried the fresh tears that had spilled over and sent her into sleep.

**A/N: ** Please forgive me! There was a family crisis I had to attend to that kept me from writing time, and well, sort of drained the will to write from me for a little bit. Not to mention school. ACT's then end of the year exams. Stress in general. Lovely, yes? So testing also stole much needed time and brainpower away from me. So here we are…I don't know how many weeks months after the last update…And on chapter five. I am so sorry. I'll try my best not to let time slip so far away from me from here on out. It should be easier now that summer vacation is here. I'm a senior~! And I just wanted to thank all of you for your comments and for the favorites I've been getting lately. Getting that little email saying someone favorited my story always makes my day a little brighter! A little fun fact: This was the longest chapter yet! It equaled out to 3,770 words. I know that's not much compared to other fanfic writers but it's the most I've ever written so I'm pretty excited about it. ^^ Thanks so much for reading!


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